Clone me!

Today I want to wave the white flag.

Today I want to check into a hotel, climb under the covers and not come out until I feel like I can cope again...be it a day, a week, a month...whatever.

I want to scream and rant and rage at the Universe at the injustice of it all. I want to jump up and down on the head of the Universe shouting, "It's NOT fair, it's NOT fair!" until the Universe gets the picture!

I don't want to be the brave little trooper who soldiers on no matter how crappy she's feeling cause 'good ol Em, she's fine, she'll manage, that's what she does'.

I don't want to be inspirational or strong or gracious about my situation.

I don't want to forgive the unforgivable, I don't want to compromise anymore.

No more pushing past all reasonable limits, no more rolling with the punches, no more chin up!

...

Slight problem with the above scenario.

I don't have the luxury of throwing a tantrum or handing in my notice.

Because as much as I want to be comatose and forget my troubles, I can't forget these two.

I don't want to forget these two.

I don't want to forget Jack's raucous belly laugh when I tickled him this morning.

I don't want to forget the look of awe on Harry's face as he watched this Gotye film clip and the conversation that followed about imagination and animation.

 

They are funny, sweet, intelligent little creatures...I don't want to miss out on them.

I'm not sleeping well and still in post chemo so resilience is low...get that, totally get that. I'll turn the corner in a few days and taking care of the boys won't be so overwhelming. But until then...

Don't suppose I could split myself in two?

 

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